The Internet is kind of like a weird garden where porn tubes grow out of the ground. Some of them thrive, inviting horny perverts into their flowering depravity. Others die a quick death. Still others, like YourPorn or SexyPorn, adapt to changing times by transforming into something new.
When a site changes names and domains as much as SexyPorn has, it’s hard to tell how old it is or where it came from. Perhaps it’s been around in some form since the dawn of the Internet, or maybe somebody slapped it together last month. I don’t know, but they get over half a million views a day. That kind of traffic doesn’t happen overnight.
Get a Load of That Sexy Domain
The original link somebody sent me was YourPorn.sexy, but that one bounced me over to SxyPrn.com. The site is actually called SexyPorn at the top of the page, but it looks like somebody’s just sitting on that domain. SxyPrn it is! This domain was actually registered about a week ago. Happy birthday, you beautiful son of a bitch!
All this tells me a weird story of intrigue, cybercrime, and a beautiful woman with her legs over her head taking a double creampie. Actually, no, I’m getting confused by all the dirty thumbnails on the front page of this site. The domains tell a vague story, but it’s probably as exciting as making Google angry or forgetting to renew the dot-com.
And We’re Off to the Porn Wall
YourPorn has the typical wall-of-porn format you see on basically every free sex tube. They even call it the Porn Wall. As you may have guessed, it consists of lesbian sex, threesomes, ass-banging and that double creampie I mentioned. The first part of the wall at the top of the page are the Hot 24.
The thumbnails give you a moving preview when you hover your mouse over, and there’s a ton of basic info on them. You see the clip title and length, which are standard on most tubes, but you also get pornstar names in a lot of them. Some of them have a box telling you what site they came from, and you definitely get more tags out front than other sites.
Another thing you don’t see on other sites? Little emojis lined up on the side of the thumbnails. I wasn’t sure what they were at first. They look like a variation on Facebook reactions because they’re so damn small, but squint and you’ll make out tiny yellow titties and butts.
You’ll probably have to hover your mouse over the smiley faces at first until you figure out what they mean, but damn, this is a smart system. I know at a glance that this Julia Ann anal scene has Big Tits, Lingerie, Pussy and MILF. Well, I probably would have guessed that from the preview, but you get the point.
Stealing from the Rich and Giving to the Pervs
I don’t know how to break it to you, but I’m not sure SexyPorn has permission to post this stuff. For one thing, everything on the front page looks like a full-length professionally shot scene. The shortest thing I see is half an hour long.
The other big giveaway is the site tags. That hot young blonde with the Public, Orgy and Party emojis also has a big box beneath her that says LegalPorno. I see other content from TrueAmateurs, BackroomCastingCouch and Brazzers.
Hell, if you scroll down to the bottom it’s even more obvious. They’ve got a big list of top SubCat Subs. These are your quick links to the nearly 500 Bang Bus videos and 400 Tushy movies. The big names you expect are here.
Why stop at just showing videos if you’re giving out the free stuff? SexyPorn one-ups the competition by offering a rich Photo section and an even richer Torrents area. Pics are something you see all over the place, but it’s rare for a tube to offer torrents. In fact, this may be my first time downloading a torrent of rough Latina smashing from a porn tube.
I guess my point is that if piracy is an issue for you, you should probably go elsewhere. In fact, Mr. Morally Fucking Superior, the only sites good and honest enough for you and your raging moral compass can be found in my list of the Top Premium Porn Sites. You cheapos cranking it on the McDonald’s wifi can come with me.
Amateurs and Pornsters Shaking Oiled-Up Asses in Your Face
I’m a sucker for the real girls next door, so today I gravitated toward one of those professional “amateur” movies from one of the big sites. The description called it a nerdy blonde with glasses getting dirty in the bathroom, which gave me fond memories of high school.
With all the pirated smut on display, I expected the video to load on some third-party filehost’s player. Nope, it loads with pretty minimal buffering right in YourPorn’s very own video player. It looks very basic at first, but there’s a Download button built in. Not only that, but there’s a Picture-in-Picture mode so you can watch bitches getting fucked in the corner of the screen while you work on your spreadsheets. That makes up for the lack of video quality options, and besides, it’s HD anyway.
Wait a minute. I recognize this chick. That’s Katie Kush, who’s been blowing up my sex tubes lately. I literally just jerked it to one of her anal scenes a couple hours ago. She’s not exactly what most people would call an amateur, but I’m not complaining as she stands on one leg to accommodate the cock.
This is a hot fucking clip. The girl is spread eagle and loving every second of it. I give it my seal of approval by clicking the boner/heart icon and the thumbs-up. There’s no thumbs-down or flaccid cock, so haters get lost.
A third icon looks like a wow emoji, but pulls up a bunch of those sex-themed ones you see on the thumbnails out front. I click the Teens icon to let other masturbators know what they’re in for. I can’t actually tell what the little round yellow face is doing and I zoomed it way in. Maybe shaving her yellow muff?
Guaranteed Orgasms or Triple Your Money Back
It turns out that boner-heart icon votes the clip up in SxyPrn’s Orgasmic section. It’s a neat concept, but it’s hard to say how useful it is. Don’t you fuckers usually wait to click Like on a video until you blow? That’s how I figured everyone did it, but the vids here get far more Thumbs-Ups than BonerHearts. People are stingy with those bad boys.
The Orgasmic section, though, is pretty fucking rad. Maybe it’s a coincidence or I’m just falling for SexyPorn’s word-swapping magic, but the Top Orgasmic posts do look a notch sexier than the Top Rated or Top Viewed. Valentina Nappi’s pretty face smiles from one of the very top clips as she prepares to get stuffed with Big Black Cock. Incidentally, I’m going to take a short break before I finish typing this.
Well, that was a bad move. I ran out of lotion and honestly I think I might have to go to the hospital. Vacuum cleaners apparently weren’t made for that, but Valentina was certainly built for cock-sucking and dick-riding. I can also report that the Orgasmic section lives up to its name.
A Glaring Omission of the Best Kind
There was one thing that I expected to see a lot of on SexyPorn, and that’s spam. Every free sex tube makes you look at a bunch of dick pill and sex cam ads, and the ones full of paysite porn tend to be the worst. Not this one, though.
Maybe it’s just a good day for my ad-blocking plugin, but even that tells me it only blocked 12 on SexyPorn. I didn’t actually see any at all. Not a single pop-up.
This one’s an easy choice for cheapskates looking to crank it to the good stuff. SexyPorn specializes in premium pornography, and it gives it all away for free. The collection is organized well and there’s way less spam than other sites like it.
ThePornDude likes YourPorn's
- Free streaming and downloads
- Thousands of premium porn movies
- Sex emoji tags on the thumbnails
- Porno torrents
- Picture-in-picture mode
- Minimal spam
ThePornDude hates YourPorn's
- Confusing name/domain