Heavy R

I know I usually try to keep this pretty light and family friendly, but today we’re going to look at some real grown-up shit. This ain’t just another free video site full of your standard blowjobs, lesbian finger-bangs, simultaneous oral and anal penetration, or any of that ordinary vanilla sex. It’s got some, sure, but the trending hashtags at the top of Heavy-R give you an idea of what else to expect: #POOP, #HUMILIATION, #BDSM, and #TORTURE, to name a few.

Heavy-R.com has been around since 2010, somehow avoiding a federal obscenity charge for nearly a whole decade now. That’s good news for the 60 million visitors they get a month, depending on how you look at it. Not everyone is going to want to.

Holy Fucking Shit! WTF Are You Fucking Doing?

Instead of the typical grid of thumbnails, you see on most free porn tubes, Heavy-R’s front page opts for a blog-style presentation of Today’s Favorites. This seems to give every video a little more weight, with a bigger spot of its own and more information. It’s hard to miss anything this way.

Then again, maybe it’s just hard to miss anything because it’s all hard stuff, right from the jump. Really hard stuff. Like screaming, rip-out-your-own eyeballs hard. Are you ready? This is your last chance to stop reading this review.

Today’s Favorites begin with a video called Buried And Abused. The three-minute, three-star clip’s thumbnail shows a grainy image of a schoolgirl squatting over… something. The scene’s description offers a little more insight: “Schoolgirls buried their teacher in the school garden, then trample and pee on him.”

Yeah, I didn’t like my teachers either, especially Mr. Boise. That fucker stole the brick of firecrackers I brought to school on the last day. Speaking of firecrackers, I’m never going to be able to see them explode again without thinking of the next video on the page. I’ll be haunted forever, I tell you.

At least 10k people so far have watched Fire Cracker To The Bloody Asshole, which is described as a “Disturbed dude on his way to a colostomy.” This one’s a little more popular than the schoolgirls pissing on their teacher, with four stars. Both clips were uploaded by the same person and have links back to their source website.

Honestly, that firecracker video near the top makes the rest of the page seem tame by comparison. There are a few public sex videos, a mom getting two creampies, and somebody with a full bottle of Coca-Cola in their ass. One dude ties up a slut and fists her elbow-deep, and another chick gets anally wrecked with a dildo bigger than her leg.

There’s a lot of shit Heavy-R. I mean literal human feces. On the front page alone, there’s a mature couple shitting on each other and fucking, and a mistress taking a dump and making her slave eat it. The poop comes in different flavors, from nice and sweet to cruel and dominant. Would you like to see a Beautiful Blonde Pooper or an Extreme Ass Drilling With Shit Explosion?

Damn, That’s a Lot of Spam

You’ve got a spam-blocker plugin for your browser, right? You’re going to need that bad boy for your Heavy-R visit. Even before I clicked anything on the first page, I had a blocked spam count in the double digits. Clicking through to the second page of clips earned me a pop-under for LiveJasmin.

Starting on page 2, the presentation switches to the typical wall of porno you see on other tube sites. Well, I guess I shouldn’t say the typical wall. Pick a random page on any other tube site and it probably won’t start with Anal Fuck As She Poops, Shitting In Fishnet Pantyhose, and a couple of hardcore anal fisting movies.

My guts were still roiling from the anal firecracker movie, so I wasn’t sure I could handle watching somebody getting their swollen rosebud ruined by a vacuum pump. I could probably keep my lunch down watching the Japanese Toilet Slave, but the pregnant shitter and the shit-fisting was just out of the goddamn question.

I am always up for some family fun, though, and Heavy-R’s taboo selections look a little kinkier and more amateur than you see on other, bigger taboo sites. The 69 With Mom, Real Son Cums In Mom’s Mouth, and Masturbation Next To Sister scenes all look like they were recording on phones. So does Big Sister Swallows Brother’s Cum, and I really wanted to watch.

Free and Freaky Amateur Incest Porn?

The grainy video loaded quickly with minimal buffering, showing a young and naked couple in the backseat of a car. For a minute, the hungry young slut slurps on his knob, and then we get about 30 seconds of riding before the video ends with a message saying we can watch the whole thing on another site.

There’s no real indication that Big Sister Swallows Brother’s Cum is really a big sister swallowing a brother’s cum, despite the Real Incest tag. In fact, I’m fairly certain the dude didn’t even get off in the video.

Heavy-R has a very basic video player. You can make it full screen, but that’s about it. There’s a volume slider, but this video didn’t have any sound. I ran into a few videos without sound during my visit, which is either a coincidence or a glitch. Any site with a stash this big would have a few silent films, but it’s weird to just stumble onto more than one in a few minutes.

Beneath Big Sister Swallows Brother’s Cum are a few options to “Download And Stream HEAVY-R In High Definition”. All of the buttons lead to a sister site that serves up HD material but costs money. It’s the old bait and switch routine. What’s really weird is that the HD version of the site looks like it serves up traditional pornography that you can actually beat off to.

What Else Can You Beat Off To Here?

The hashtags at the top of the screen do include some normal sex stuff like #LESBIAN, #BIG TITS and #AMATEUR, so I was really curious how much actual sex they had. I’m sure there are people coming here to spank it to scat porn, but the presentation seems to take more of a “let’s freak out the customers” approach. Heavy-R, for the most part, looks like a freakshow.

Most of the content is filed under one of the site’s many Porn Categories. The full Categories page has a ton of thumbnailed sub-genres, and a lot of them are typical porn fare. They’ve got sections for Anal, Porn Star, Masturbation and Webcam.

They’ve also got plenty of atypical Porn Categories. When’s the last time you saw a free tube with whole areas dedicated to Anal Prolapse, Puke, or Anorexic Clips?

Heavy-R also has a section of SFW Categories that could probably get you fired anyway. There’s some kind of pus-leaking wound in the thumbnail for the Disgusting section. The one for Aftermath has a woman’s utterly mangled head dangling from the ruins of her wrecked car. Considering the things I’ve seen on the site, I doubt HR wants you browsing the Shocking area.

If I have anyone to blame for the nausea, my half-mast boner and diminishing faith in humanity, it’s got to be the users over at Heavy-R. The site runs on user uploads, and this is the shit you perverts have chosen to share: car crashes, shit eating, torture and incest movies. You should all be truly ashamed of yourselves.

Ah, I’m just fucking with you. I’ve probably uploaded the nastiest shit on there, but you’d never guess my username. You can’t shock me. I’m The Porn Dude and I love this game.

Heavy-R has a little bit of a spam problem, but what free tube doesn’t? Use a blocker and you’ll be fine. The site is huge, expansive, and free. Every video on it is shocking and offensive to basic standards of decency in any modern society. Regular perverts might not get much out of it besides stomach cramps and suicidal ideation. You really fucked-up deviates, though, are going to love it.