Booty Farm

Booty farm, ladies and gentlemen is for a different kind of porn pursuer. If you’re not the regular kind of pervy fuck that gets off to just plain old people having sex then maybe cartoons in a mobile Farmville style game is more your speed. Who can say? I will say though that there is definitely a lot to this game, a whole shit load of a lot.

A Little of This, A Little of That

Take your average mobile game, take one that has you actually creating and growing a farm that will produce crops and resources as you go so you can purchase things from a little shop on the sidebar. Why the hell am I talking about a game like this you might ask? Well, because one of the things you can save up for and purchase is a collection of virtual girls you can purchase and then get down a dirty with later one.

Not only that but it combines that whole farming part with what can only be described as a dating simulator at the same time. You have to farm crops and food and meet certain criteria to have more and more interactions with the girls you already own. Each time you meet the criteria by farming up some wheat or making your chickens lay some eggs you get 1 more conversation with the girl in question depending on who you picked. Holy fuck this is a lot.

Slow Your Role

If you got your dick out and ready to start going to town I’d advise you to put it away because you’re going to be waiting a while. There’s a wait time on literally every single operation, unlocking the girls, unlocking the next conversation with girls you already own, waiting for your crops to grow, and waiting for your chickens or other farm animals to produce whatever they’re gonna produce. It’s a lot of waiting, but of course, this is a game that takes a lot from mobile games and shit like Farmville on facebook so of course, the currency plays a part in that waiting.

You have coins and jewels and they both do their own thing but share some of the same thing. The coins go toward paying for shit like new girls, new furniture, new buildings and all that kind of shit. Where the jewels are basically just there so you don’t have to endure the wait time every time you click on something you want to happen. The jewels will run out real fuckin quick so that’s where the whole pay situation comes in to play.

Farming For Bitches

The whole farm is basically just there to help you progress further with the girls you have either bought with the currency or earned through leveling up. You level up through every single fucking thing you do by the way so as long as you play the game often you’ll level up. Once you have bought one of the bitches, you just automatically have them unlocked, then you gotta feed them I guess, there must be some reason she’s asking for certain food items from you before you even get to have a conversation with her.

But let’s just say for argument’s sake you either got the wheat ready or the eggs ready from your first couple of chickens, well great, that means it’s time for you to have your first unlocked conversation with one of the first bitches, Mindy. Here’s where it turns into a dating sim, and a multiple choice dating sim too. She’ll be asking you some dumb question that relates to her character or a conversation you already had with her at the start and you’ve got 3 options to choose from to get the reward.

Like usual dating sims, the correct answer is pretty obvious so once you pick it that’s it. You get experience, you get coins sometimes, you get a key for the little chests you get to unlock, (you end up needing multiple keys for each chest) and your “affinity” with that girl goes up.

Talk Their Pants Off

Once your affinity goes up high enough with one of the girls you get to have another conversation with her, yeah I know it’s shocking, but this time at the end it leans toward something sexual. Don’t get your dicks out of your pants just yet because it’s literally only just in text that anything happens. They describe whatever the bitch is doing to your character, they talk for a bit, he finishes and just like that it’s over. That was your reward for farming and spending coins and jewels and whatever amount of time you spent just to get to that point. Are you disappointed? Don’t be because say if the first sexy thing this hick bitch does to you, and I’m pretty sure it’s the same for everybody, is giving you a blowjob then obviously you still have to read through that text conversation as it happens but after the fact you get to check Mindy’s character page (all the girls have one) and you’ll see that in the “story” section “Episode 2” has happened and your reward for that is to go back and visit it. What you get to see here upon revisiting is a single picture of it happening. The drawn girl with her southern county lips smacking on your cartoon dick.

Pussy At The End Of The Tunnel

Down the road obviously you’re gonna get to bang all these girls, but that’s the process of the game. Farm crops, feed some crops to animals to farm what comes outta them, take other crops to use and unlock the next interaction with some of the girls, depends on which one. Get more and more interactions with each girl until you fuck her, and what you can expect when you actually do make it to home base is just another picture added to the collection that you’ve been making since you started interacting with whatever bitch it was. The more you do in the game, the more conversations you have and the more information you get on each girl to hopefully do better in the interaction you have so there’s a lot to do, a lot to pay attention to and even some strategy as to how you’re going to lay out your farm. If it’s a shitty layout you’re gonna do shitty, no 2 ways about it.

If you’ve ever been a fan of western styled porn comics before then this kinda shit is probably gonna be familiar to you. Whatever gets your dick hard is all I’m gonna say but the art style here is pretty decent for what it is. It’s just you’re gonna have to go through a lot of work for things to really get NSFW but you do get there eventually.

Hard On, Hard Off, Hard Work

You can definitely tell that a lot of work went into the game too, you place your shit down on your farm in like a grid. You only have so much space until it’s full then you have to pay to increase the size of the farm. But the things you placed down are all drawn decent enough and even better they’re animated whether they’re actually doing something or if they’re just sitting there doing fucking nothing. I haven’t gone through enough of this game to get to see all the fucking and all the little talking dates you get to have with every girl, there’s way too much porn out there to spend so much time waiting for some carrots to grow so I can feed them to some skank wearing a jean skirt. But the rewards are pretty consistent and similar with each girl so it’s really gonna come down to taste and which one of them suits your fancy the best.

Bootyfarm is a game that takes a lot of its shit from other games that you’ve seen on Facebook and your phone, and even on some other porn game sites probably. I don’t think sex dating Sims are something Google’s gonna let you find in the app store but there it is. Point is this is basically just combining a lot of shit together and seeing what works. They’ve got a Patreon and I’m sure the people helping them create this game are letting them know what part of its getting their dick hard and what parts need some improvement.

Conclusion

I’m not game development I’m just The Porn Dude so I couldn’t tell you how the game really could be getting a lot better. I had to wait too long for my taste to get a taste of the actual porn in this game so I can’t say I like it too much because of that. But shit maybe for some of you degenerates out there the waiting and the earning is part of what gets you stiff. I’ve seen weirder fetishes so who am I to judge out loud. Give the game a shot if you care too, free to play and pay to play faster.