One of the hottest fucking things about cranking it to the endless amount of porn on the Internet is you sometimes get a chance to find other horny bitches to fuck around with. The millions of free tube sites and other porn sites all over the Web aren’t just one big fucking sausage fest. Well, mostly. Dude, there’s so many fat fucking guys that are trying to bust a nut I know it feels like it. Just got to a place like Pornhub and it’s filled with comments of guys talking about how they, ‘came so hard,’ or lying about bullshit like, ‘oh yeah I fucked this hot bitch in 1999 and she looked just like this chick I wonder if it’s her?’
Yeah bro, the slut you fucked a millennium ago still looks like she’s fucking 21. Of course bro, she can still wrap her ankles around her head like that. Sure bro you fucked someone that looked like that in 1999: if by that you mean you fucked a milk jug full of Vaseline because you were 12 at the time. Give me a fucking break.
It’s a wonder bitches come out of the woodwork at all. Gameless mother fuckers like the example above are everywhere! They ruin it for those of us that actually have a chance at eating and fucking the hot pussy those dweebs only dream about. So you can imagine that when I heard about Newbienudes.com – a community where you can find hot fucking horny bitches that love nothing more than spreading their legs for everyone to see – my cock stood at full attention. Finally, a place where I can show off my massive dick and balls and get off with the hot bitches I fucking deserve.
Is Newbie Nudes a place worth visiting if you’re an alpha male like me that hates sharing a space with these no-game mother fuckers on other places on the Internet? Or is it nothing but old balls, small dicks, and cringe comments that make chicks’ pussies dry up like the goddamn Sahara desert? Enough thinking about your dad’s wrinkly balls bro, let’s get to it!
Biggest throbbing amateur porn site?
Newbie Nudes has been around since 2002: in Internet years that’s like fucking 80 years. Since it’s been around so long it’s become one of the most trusted amateur porn communities on the Internet and it shows. Browsing through some of the profiles on Newbie Nudes you notice some of the pics and vids have been around for years. I saw some old fucker talk about how he’s been a regular for over 10 years and he’s going to keep coming until he’s fucking dead.
Like, what the fuck?! How many amateur communities have that kind of loyalty? You won’t find it at a place like Pornhub I’ll tell you that fucking much! Most porn sites try to shoehorn in a community element as well. We’ve all seen them: none of them fucking pull it off! Instead of pulling off a community element most porn sites need to do what I refuse to ever do: pull out and blow your load somewhere else.
Newbie Nudes actually accomplishes the community thing though. It’s hard to build a community around bitches and old gameless bastards posting their tits and dicks for everyone to see but to say it’s impossible is ignoring what Newbie Nudes has accomplished here. People have to trust a site to be able to post as frequently as many of the members do at Newbie Nudes and it’s goddamn safe to say they’ve earned the trust. I mean fuck me: it’s been around close to 20 years they must be doing something right, right!?
Can’t browse any pics or vids without paying for it
I guess one of the ways Newbie Nudes keeps people’s trust is by not making anything fucking free on the site. That’s a good idea and I can’t blame them if they want to keep a sense of community alive. I mean goddamn who the fuck wants a bunch of gameless shitheads jumping onto pics and talking about how they want to eat their pussy and they are willing to drive in their mom’s minivan just to get a taste? A lot of those fuckers are so poor and jobless they don’t have the dollar to spare to post cringe bullshit like that!
Making everything premium keeps neckbeards at bay. It would be nice to give people a little taste test but when you risk these fedora-wearing mother fuckers coming in and getting everybody wet by the slobber from their thirst (not from actually arousing a bitch – that’s asking too much for these dweebs). It’s a small gripe but it may get more people to the community. Then again does Newbie Nudes need a bigger community and if it grew by a shitload would it wreck it? Fuck I don’t know does it look like I’m a community manager for a goddamn amateur porn site!
All user submitted – and a lot of it is fucking smokin’!
Bros I love fucking amateur porn. Nothing gets my dick throbbing faster or makes me shoot my cum load out further. So let me tell you: when I say that Newbie Nudes had the walls of my office dripping with that sweet, sweet PornDude semen you can be assured I had a great fucking time. Newbie Nudes has a lot of helpful ways to sort porn and vids. I sorted by most popular most of the time and that gave me more than enough pretty pussies and tits to look at (well, you can never have enough).
Search by member lets me follow the bitches that get me the hardest
It’s a small feature but it pays off big time on an amateur site like Newbie Nudes. I can follow members and check out the rest of the hot shit they’re sharing. I can comment on their content and always keep tabs on the latest tits and ass pics they’re showing off to the community. It’s another reason why Newbie Nudes insists on keeping the site totally premium. Can you imagine all the desperate cheap losers that would flood the inboxes of the hot bitches on Newbie Nudes if it was free? God, I’m fucking cringing just thinking about it!
This is more than worth the price of admission. Newbie Nudes knew that top males like myself shouldn’t have to stare at dicks and balls that are unimpressive and lesser-than. That’s why they’ve included the best feature on the site: hide dicks! Once I hid all the dicks from my search results, I never had to browse with a fucking mop bucket next to my desk. I never once accidentally saw a three-inch dick covered in third-degree burns because the asshole doesn’t know what lube is nor did I see an old dude’s wrinkly balls that sag down to his ankles. No fat ass dudes holding up their stomach fat rolls to make their dick look better, no shithead putting his dick head on top of an anime figure to give it an ‘artistic vibe.’ Just bitches young and old spreading their pussies, showing off their assholes and playing with their tits for real men like me to see and appreciate. God bless the Internet!
Bitches be hot, but it isn’t all quality
It’s inevitable you’re going to run into stinky pussy on a site like Newbie Nudes. I don’t care if you think I’m a fucking asshole or not: not everyone needs to be posting nudes on the Internet! Sometimes, broads need to know when to keep their clothes on except for the boyfriend or husband that’s been trained to tell them, ‘they’re beautiful just the way there are.’
Bullshit! I can’t speak for every dumb asshole out there but we don’t need to see an 800-pound beefcake spreading her fat saggy pussy while tonguing the nipples nobody can see because the fat rolls from her neck are blocking the parts of her body that anybody gives a shit about! And nobody cares about that part of her body anyway because she looks like a cartoon pig! That’s where the excellent sorting features come into play at Newbie Nudes. You can avoid the bitches that should keep their clothes on (or seek them out if you want to go slumming). It isn’t all quality though. Because Newbie Nudes is an amateur community you’re going to find chicks that never figured out how to use a camera or how to clean up their images in Photoshop. It’s the nature of a true amateur community so you have to take the good with the bad. Some of the images are poor quality because a lot of them have been on there for so fucking long. Do you think digital pictures had high resolutions in 2002? Think again dumb ass!
Notices when you want to cum with someone
One interesting feature that’s going to have me going back for more is the notices section. Since the PC pussies over at Craigslist removed all adult personals this can actually be used as a Craigslist replacement to hook up with other members. But if you want something like phone sex or you want to snail mail your erotic fiction to a bitch that’s into that sort of thing you can find someone that wants what you’re looking for. It’s a small feature that puts Newbie Nudes in a class all its own.
Mobile site is good enough, both sites needs a facelift
One of the ways to tell if a porn site if worth your time or if you should tell it to go fuck itself is if the mobile site is good and responsive. Newbie Nudes’ mobile version is definitely easy to use and good enough but the desktop and mobile sites both need a facelift. Yeah I get it, it’s been around for close to two decades and the members probably don’t want any fucking changes at this point.
Get over it though! Newbie Nudes looks like it borrowed some tips from MySpace’s original design and that’s not a bad thing. For what it is it works. While lots of porn sites need to be flashy to get your attention, Newbie Nudes doesn’t need to do that. It knows what it is as do its members. But still, it can be a turn off for new people that want to know what the community is all about. It isn’t poorly designed and it’s easy to navigate, it just looks fucking old!
At the end of the day though, I can’t complain too much about the design. It gets the job done and Newbie Nudes allows you to browse its hottest pics and vids without seeing one dick in the search results. Newbie Nudes could downgrade the site to look like it belongs on an old shitty Apple computer from the ’80s for all I care: as long as they continue to filter out old dicks and balls they’re doing a good job in my book!
ThePornDude likes NewbieNudes's
- One of the oldest and biggest amateur porn communities.
- Hide dicks and balls in search results!
- Member and community features that aren’t shoehorned in.
- 100% user submitted!
- Mobile site is quick and responsive.
- Loads of good sorting options: sort by rating, popularity, newest, oldest, etc.
- Notices boards let you hook up – suck on that Craigslist!
ThePornDude hates NewbieNudes's
- No trial version.
- Some of the bitches shouldn’t be naked on here.
- The quality of the content is hit-or-miss (sometimes because some of it is so fucking old).
- Site could use a facelift, though it’s easy to navigate and functional.