Movie Porn

I know I’m a huge pervert and everything, but I know I’m not the only one who gets a raging hard-on while watching regular movies on TV. Hell, I’ve been run out of the movie theater so many times because I just get so goddamn excited seeing superhero sluts in tight outfits, science fiction broads wearing next to nothing, and hot bitches in general. Honestly, I can’t see a woman on the screen without imagining her naked and wanting to finger her butthole. When I found out MoviePorn had porno parodies of a bunch of movies I’d already beaten off to, I was eager to snort a crushed Viagra and go check it out.

Visit The Megaplex from Your Wet Dreams

Every nerd in the world wants to crank it to X-rated versions of their favorite science fiction, fantasy and horror movies, but it’s not just basement-dwelling neckbeards who love the stuff. Anybody who popped their first boner while reading comic books or watching Star Wars will have a soft spot for the type of smut available on MoviePorn.

A quick look at the landing page shows you what kind of parodies are on the menu here. Princess Leia has her shaved twat exposed in a parody called Star Whores: Episode IV A New Hoe. Catwoman is seen in almost the same exact pose, only with a cock in that super pussy. Oh, hey, one of those blue alien bitches from Avatar is riding a wiener, too, and Trinity from The Matrix is bent over in bullet time in what looks like the exact same outfit from the film, only there’s a giant hole in the crotch so you can see all of her goods.

It’s not just the recognizable characters and Hollywood references that will catch your eye here, nor the absolutely stunning bitches getting violated in myriad outlandish scenarios. It’s impossible not to notice the fucking ridiculous production values here.

Most porno parodies are content to slap a cape and a mask on some broad, call her a superhero and just film it like a regular sex scene. It takes a lot of suspension of disbelief to imagine you’re actually watching your comic book crush getting hammered. Most of the time, it’s like the parody trappings are just an afterthought meant to lure in horny nerds.

That’s simply not the fucking case at MoviePorn, where the fantastic realism is given the same priority as the depraved sex. Check out their parody of It. The clown/monster makeup on Pennywise is utterly terrifying, and the filthy set where he ties up, tortures and torments this little whore is something straight out of your nightmares.

Pricier Than Netflix, But Sexier For Sure

Most pornography has a limited budget for costumes, sets and generally no budget at all for special effects. MoviePorn.com obviously spends way more on these elements then your traditional premium adult site, so naturally, I assumed that high production cost would be passed along to the consumer.

I was pleasantly surprised to find out that the standard membership rate is only 30 bucks, just like it is on most porn paysites in 2019. A full year will run you one cool Benjamin, which honestly ain’t bad at all.

The one thing that gives me a little pause before signing up is their “regular updates”. Most paysites are quick to let you know they update at least once a week, which is what you should rightfully expect when you’re coming out the pockets instead of jerking off at the library. “Regular” is vague as hell, but then again, these elaborate parody bangs are clearly a more time-consuming production. I get it.

Let’s Jack Off at the Movie Theater

Given how new the site is and how elaborate and expensive the pornos look, I guess I shouldn’t have been too surprised that the current collection is still pretty small. Right now, there are only 10 movies at MoviePorn. That’s a tiny collection by any measure, which again brings us back to the site’s major selling point: no other porn production company is putting out anything with this much attention to cinematic detail. If you really want to watch pornos that seem like they take place in another fucking universe, this is your best bet.

With the small collection, I didn’t get quite so hung up trying to pick the first movie I’d spank my monkey to here. The Tomb Raider parody gives me erotic flashbacks to playing video games in my underwear, and the trailer for The Mummy Princess: Ancient Slut Returns gave me the weirdest, most spine-tingling erection I’ve ever had in my life. Still, I had to check out that Suicide Squirt movie first. Who doesn’t want to fuck Harley Quinn?

The 20-minute scene opens with the rainbow-haired hottie behind the bar, looking sexy and crazy while she serves Mistah J a drink. This dude does as I do at the bar, and takes that drink as an invitation to feel up the bartender. A few seconds later, she’s got her ass where the drinks should be and a finger in her twat. Let’s hope the health department doesn’t walk in.

Five minutes into the movie, right after some nice cock-sucking action, we’re introduced to a new character. Enchantress is classified as an extra-dimensional fuck fiend who bangs like she’s possessed, because she is. We’re dropped into a POV blowjob scene with the little alien nymphomaniac bobbing and slurping maniacally on a big old dong.

I love the ominous sound design, the weird atmospherics and banging sounds in the background as Enchantress does her work. It perfectly matches the bouncy horror movie cinematography of the scene, giving the whole thing a frantic, frenetic feel you simply don’t get from typical pornos.

Back in the bar, Harley Quinn is getting pounded in her cunt. When Enchantress shows up a few minutes later, it’s threesome time! This isn’t a super long clip, but MoviePorn doesn’t waste any of your time with a bunch of setup dialogue and other shit like that. The sex pretty much speaks for itself and does all the storytelling you’re going to need to have a huge, mind-blowing, ball-draining orgasm all over your desk at work.

I did have some buffering issues when I was streaming the video, even after I dropped the resolution as low as it would go. I ran an Internet speed test, so I know it’s not a problem on my end. It’s possible I was just beating my meat at a bad time, but fortunately, downloads are included with the regular membership.

Next-Level Porn from the Czech Republic

The studio behind MoviePorn is based in the Czech Republic, and they’re consistently putting out material that blurs the line between pornography and traditional cinema. The action is always filthy, often extreme, but the production values are like nothing I’ve ever seen in the world of smut.

These guys also run sites like XVirtual, HorrorPorn and PerverseFamily, and you can see the same level of quality and commitment to the craft on each one. The downside is that there’s also some overlap to the movies as well. The parody of It, for example, can also be seen on HorrorPorn.

MoviePorn.com is not without its problems. Chief among them are the relatively small collection size and related issues, like the slow updates and overlap with the other sites. I’m sure all of these problems are directly related to the cost of making these movies and the time they take to put together.

So is a membership worth it, even with so few meals on the menu? That depends entirely on how much you like sex parodies of your favorite Hollywood movies. Absolutely nobody else is producing them the same way these guys are, which means the product you get here is unique. Every porn site on the Internet claims to be the biggest and the best, but very few can claim to have something that nobody else does.

I recommend MoviePorn.com to any masturbator who has beaten off while watching Netflix or been kicked out of the local megaplex a bunch of times for shaking your dick at the screen and freaking out all the families in the audience. These are some truly next-level parodies that have to be seen to be believed.