It looks like we are about to step in the deranged parts of the internet again, so all of you better prepare yourselves. For today we have a fetish/kink/BDSM site called FetLife.com, and we’re about to explore it. I mean, as much as it’s possible, and soon you’ll discover why. I have no idea why this content is appealing to you all, but since I value my fans, I’ll do it. Plus any change is nice since I was slowly getting used to Japanese pornography. Now, I’m kind of missing it already, since I know what I’m about to get myself into. Anyways, let’s stop with this intro, and get into the real stuff before I actually vomit on my keyboard.
<h3>My first impressions</h3>
My first impression of FetLife.com is pure shit, and that is for a very vast and substantial reason. Like, I get that this is extreme content and that only specific part of the porn community truly enjoys this, but still. The whole page is hidden, and you can’t actually see what the entire site is about and what kind of content you can find unless you join in. I want to ask the creators – what the fuck are you doing? I mean, this isn’t gore content or r/watchpeopledie. At least I hope it’s not. Unless you can find videos of people getting cut into pieces or shot to death, there’s no reason for FetLife.com to be so secretive. Mainly because I won’t make an account. I still have a life, and I still have to find jobs sometimes like most of you, so I’m not about to ruin my future by getting this connected to my email. I’m sorry to all of you, but it’s your fault anyway. If you didn’t spend so much time watching porn, you wouldn’t even be so desensitized, and you wouldn’t be into this kind of shit, so yeah.
As far as the navigation goes, it’s pretty simple, but it’s mostly not something that you’d be interested in. For example, right at the beginning, before you even join in, you have some numbers and statistics that you need to know about. For instance, FetLife.com has over eight million members, which genuinely freaks me out. I have no idea what the fuck you people are capable of, you watch people mutually torturing each other during sex, for fuck’s sake. All I need is a dominatrix and her buff slave to come to my apartment and beat the living fuck out of me before whipping me because my review sucks. But that won’t stop me from making fun of you all, which is the reason why you read these in the first place. Just a right mix of quality humor and a pinch of self-hatred, right? On both sides, trust me.
The authors of FetLife.com brand it as ‘a place like Facebook, but for fetishes and kinks,’ which is okay. That’s why most of these numbers, after the member count, show the number of images and videos, and they talk about events, groups, and discussions that members are participating in. All in all, it’s not even navigation as much as it’s information to prepare you for it, you know? I mean, I guess that most of you don’t even need to prepare like the rest of us. For example, if I suddenly saw a bunch of BDSM content, I’d freak the fuck out, and I’d take a long-ass vacation and a trip to the ophthalmologist. But maybe I’m safe. If my eyes didn’t get that coin-slot shape from all the Japanese stuff, then they’re not going to get hurt by this.
The rest of these options mostly consist of legalities and registration. The registration option on FetLife.com is, as usual, on top of the site. And if you click on a button next to the registration button, you can see these options. The only one that’s actually related to the content is ‘what’s new.’ The rest of these are mostly ‘advertising,’ ‘terms,’ ‘privacy,’ and whatnot. So yeah, I guess that FetLife.com is really trying to cover all of the legal basis, which is okay. Somehow the internet is genuinely treating the creators of BDSM forums poorly, and that’s something that has to stop. Unless you’re deliberately hurting someone, you should enjoy your sexual fluidity without any problems. Unfortunately, I really can’t produce any bodily fluids when I’m watching this content except tears, but to each their own.
Well, as far as the perks go, you get absolutely none. Luckily, this isn’t really a porn site per se, it’s more of a blog, so that’s a cool thing. It’s easy to register, and it’s free. But even with Facebook, which they compare themselves to, lets you get a sample of what’s it like on there. Here, you have to register to browse. What if I register and it’s shit? What if I hate it? What if it requires payments that I didn’t know of? What if I accidentally agree to a midget dressed in leather coming to my house to kill me and then fuck me? Or the opposite? Who knows, but still, I feel like their approach to this whole thing is wrong, and FetLife.com should definitely fix the fuck out of that.
I have no idea how the content visually looks, but you can get the idea from their description. Since it functions as a blog, I guess that FetLife.com isn’t involved in the kind of content that circulates the site, unless it somehow doesn’t respect their rules and guidelines. The content is pretty much posted by the members, along with everything else that you can find on this site. Which is a good thing, it’s mostly like a jungle with fences at the end of the forest. It’s like if you gathered all the animals with a raging sexual libido and placed them in the safe space. Just put them in there and watch them fantasize about fucking. I guess a lot of them fuck like maniacs too.
The only content of visual nature here are the pictures and the videos. As far as the images go on FetLife.com, they already have over forty-three million of them posted. The videos aren’t that usual since their number is roughly seven hundred thousand. So that means, whatever you’re looking for, you can find it, and you won’t be bored since the numbers aren’t small. I’d argue that the penises of the members are small/tiny, whatever since they need a blog to fulfill their fantasies, but who cares. Let people do what they want. Unfortunately, nobody will let me, since I’m obligated to write about this shit and do further damages to my brain.
Other types of content on FetLife.com and mostly just simple posts, similar to statuses on Facebook, and the numbers are impressive too. Over three million posts, prompting around nine million discussions in over a hundred thousand groups. Honestly, if they didn’t reveal their numbers right on the spot, I never would have guessed that FetLife.com is capable of amassing those kinds of numbers. Now I’m going to get on the bus and look at people wondering if they like a woman dressed in latex to shit in their mouths.
<h3>Registration and conclusion</h3>
The registration process may take a while, but that’s okay since their options are actually exciting. For example, besides your usual nickname, FetLife.com offers you to choose a gender. I don’t believe in ‘there’s more than two genders’ bullshit, it’s idiotic to me. Just because a girl puts on a man’s hoodie doesn’t mean that she’s suddenly gender fluid, but whatever floats your boat (or sinks it). Of course, after that, you choose your sexual orientation and something exciting. You can also select your role in sex, which ranges from dominant and submissive, your usual options, all the way to sadist and masochist and everything in between. They even have some stuff I’ve never heard of, which I’ll need an explanation for, but I’m too scared to google it or ask anyone mainly because I’d like to keep my vision of sex intact in my brain. All in all, after that, it’s mostly just date of birth, location, email, password, and that’s it. And, to conclude it all, let’s just say that I’m a bit impressed that this exists, but still equally horrified. If I want to get some sleep tonight, I’m going to have to end it all right now. So for those of you who are into this, enjoy it.
ThePornDude likes FetLife's
- Interesting concept
- Good options when you register
- The site looks relatively easy to use
ThePornDude hates FetLife's
- You don't get to see the content before registering
- The black colors scare the living shit out of me
- They bore you with legalities at the start