Celeb Jihad

Are you tired of infidel scum walking around among the living? Have regular pornstars grown boring, and would you prefer to see some famous bitches naked? Do you wish the McRib never came back, because swine is an impure animal and poisons your soul? Ever wanted to see Sophie Turner’s pussy? If you answered Yes to any of these questions, you may be ready for CelebJihad.

Somebody registered CelebJihad.com a little over a decade ago, and who in the living fuck would have ever guessed a site with a name like this would still be around? Yeah, that lit cherry bomb in the logo could symbolize so many things. Is it a joke about popping cherries and blowing up pussies, or is it something more along the lines of “death to America”?

Less Terrorism, More Celebrity Porn

The name of the site is enough to make you wonder just What The Fuck. I wonder how many of their 35 million monthly viewers just came to see what the holy hell was going on here, and how many of them already knew it was a celebrity porn site.

For all I knew, CelebJihad was an ISIS site dedicated to beheading chicks like Jennifer Connelly, Demi Moore, and Emily Browning. Instead, I pulled up the site and saw pictures of their titties, with supposedly more inside. You’re telling me you have an Anna Kendrick Casting Couch Sex Tape? I’m calling bullshit, but I’m also clicking that thumbnail right goddamn now because it looks real enough.

The description below the video talks about how scholars at the Celeb Jihad Research Center in Riyadh have uncovered Anna Kendrick’s casting couch sex tape. The Research Center wasn’t entirely thrilled with their findings:

“It certainly comes as no surprise to see Anna Kendrick resorting to using her sloppy sin holes to make it in hopelessly depraved heathen Hollywood. For not only is she an incredibly annoying woman who constantly tries to be funny, but she has the face of a damn gopher.”

I’ve got a thing for cute girls with gopher faces, but I think that’s a fetish I developed beating off to hentai. Either way, I’m disappointed as fuck that the video isn’t loading. It’s just a big, black box. Looks like I’ll have to deactivate the ad-blocker. I hope it’s worth it.

Watch Anna Kendrick Get Fucked On a Couch

The video loaded without issues once I let the spam in. I only got one short commercial that let me skip after a few seconds, which isn’t the worst thing I’ve seen. Sure enough, there was Anna Kendrick, sitting on a couch with her boobs hanging out.

Holy living mother of fuck. This bitch is either Anna’s twin sister, the best fake I’ve ever seen in my life, or it’s the star of such women’s films as Pitch Perfect and Twilight now doing hardcore pornography. She’s really such a multi-talented girl, putting out boring chick flicks and something else for those of us with thick dicks.

I’m fairly certain it’s option two, a really good fake. This is a deepfake, the next-level shit you’re going to hear more and more about. There’s been a little bit of whining from the celebs already, but they’re getting a little louder. They’re not happy that their faces can be so perfectly swapped with pornstar faces.

Me? I couldn’t be fucking happier, and neither could you. I hope the inevitable lawsuits and court cases just make it easier to get away with. If not, I hope people keep committing crime. Call me what you want to, but I want to see more Jennifer Lawrence nude sex tapes.

Leaks and Fakes or Maybe Just Celebs Doing Porn

Maybe it’s all the cocaine I sniffed out of that hooker’s buttcrack last night, but I’m a little confused today. I just watched Jennifer Lawrence sucking cock and honestly I don’t know if it was a fake or a leak of Jennifer Lawrence actually sucking cock. I think I heard she had some leaked nudes, but the fakes on this site have me tripping. I don’t know what to believe anymore.

Of course, sometimes it’s obvious. CelebJihad has some of the best fakes I’ve ever seen, but they also have some pretty laughable shit.

One of the Popular Posts in the sidebar is Ariana Grande Nude Sex Video Leaked. There’s a bitch on her back in the thumbnail, legs up and spread wide. She’s got a tight little body and a nice rack, as well as Ariana Grande’s face. It’s clearly been pasted there, like basic Photoshop level.

The video is a little better because most of the amateur clip is shot with the slut’s face out of the frame. Ariana’s only actually in it for a few seconds, making O faces and smiling, but it looks fake as fuck. The skin tone is matched well, but her whole face just looks too big for that head. The effect is kind of ridiculous, and when I came it shot way off to the side. I still haven’t found where it splattered.

Organization of naked famous bitches is good here. There’s a dropdown of Popular Celebs, featuring girls like Kylie Jenner and Selena Gomez. The A-Z Celeb List goes even deeper, like you will into your homemade fuck doll while viewing the site. Didn’t think I knew, huh? I peek through your webcam from time to time, mostly to see your wife’s hairy beaver. If people had heard of her, I’d leak the pics to CelebJihad, but instead, I’m just selling them to some asshole on craigslist.

What the Fuck is Going On Here?

There’s a long About page linked in the header. Apparently, CelebJihad was founded by Durka Durka Mohammed, a poor Afghani goat herder diagnosed with Camel Spit for Brains. His dad caught him finger-banging the clan’s prize war goat so he dumped Durka Durka with some Christian missionaries. The adopted parents died mysteriously, supposedly by suicide, but I think Durka Durka killed them.

I don’t have time to rehash the whole story here, but Durka Durka eventually had to stone his first wife to death for reading People magazine. It’s tragic as hell, but he vowed to avenge her by forming a holy Islamic extremist gossip site that also releases deepfakes and celebrity nudes. And leaks, right? I’m still unclear about that because the fakes are so real.

The best part of the About page is all the mentions CelebJihad has gotten from the press. It’s some of the funniest fucking shit I’ve seen all week. There’s a clip of CNN talking about Justin Bieber saying things like, “Muslims are super cool, and Christians lame-o-rama.” He apparently said it in Tiger Beat magazine, but CNN got it from the reliable and trustworthy resource founded by Durka Durka Mohammed.

The holy Islamic extremist celebrity gossip website earned a bunch of mentions in the media for declaring “Kate Upton is a woman and thus livestock.” Taylor Swift sent the site a shit-ton of traffic when she declared war on them. CelebrityJihad had posted a nude of her and said they’d take it down if she converted to Islam.

Learn the Truth About Sexy Celebrity Infidels

In addition to nudes, the site really does have holy Islamic extremist celebrity gossip. That’s not just a clever tagline. There’s an article about Kim Kardashian getting arrested for setting a raccoon on fire in Compton. Kim actually came out and said that wasn’t true, but who are you going to trust? She also denied stomping her dog to death.

The About page really is worth a look when you’re done beating off. There’s not usually anything worthwhile to look at on a sex site besides the sex, but the comedy here really is top-shelf. It’s mean and crude and ridiculous, which is just my style.

I was worried when I had to turn off my ad-blocker to see the videos, but the spam experience wasn’t too bad. I got one pop-under for live sex cams and some commercials before the videos. Big deal.

CelebJihad is a fun site. It’s got some really great deepfakes of hot celebrities that you’ve already been beating off to, only now you get to watch them fucking. The whole thing is wrapped up with really dark humor about beheading people and blowing up buildings. If you don’t like it you’re probably some kind of infidel.