That’s quite a big name up there, huh? I mean, in order to call your porn website a literal empire, you would have to have an amazing page. Now, living up to the name isn’t really an easy thing to, especially with a name like this. However, according to everything I’ve seen up in here, I do believe that the people behind this little website have done a tremendous job at providing their audience with some of the best pornographic content out there. Of course, you do not have to take my word for it, but rather, you are free to explore this page right here as much as you like.
However, this is technically a premium website, so of course, the best parts of the content won’t be free. Though the creation process is pretty god damn simple, and it doesn’t take much for you to join the gang. I mean, just whip that fat wallet of yours out, throw some cash at the screen, and you’re pretty much set. Seeing as this page has introduced me to some girls I never even knew existed, yet they were absolutely gorgeous…well, I can only thank the people who made this website. There are simply way too many movies for me to explore in here either way. You just know that some wankers are going to spend hours and hours jerking off at this website.
That’s typical stuff for people who get addicted to this shit. Do you think you won’t get addicted? Well, you might want to think again. See, there are all kinds of porn up in here, and once you get bored with one type of porn, you will want to move on to a different kind/ Obviously, the same kind of pornography simply won’t do it for you once you’ve seen enough. Basically, that’s how drugs work as well.
You know…you get a dopamine rush from that first line you snort, and next thing you know, you’re snorting a fucking highway. It won’t take much before you’re smoking a highway that was probably made by Adidas. You know…the three stripes? God, I can be so unfunny at times. However, this is not the time for me to depreciate myself. Last time I checked, we were reviewing www.adultempire.com, so let’s jump right into the action and see what this so-called empire is all about, shall we?
If you’re broke, you’ll have to stick to the leftovers
Just imagine being a dog. No, don’t leave! This isn’t a furry website, trust me! So…imagine being a dog. A puppy. You’re all small, energetic and hungry and all that, Now, your human family is having the most delicious lunch right in front of you, and once they’re done, you only get to munch on the scraps. Now, the same thing works with www.adultempire.com, seeing as this is most certainly not a website that lets you have stuff for free. Well, you do get to see video previews that aren’t way too short and all that, but sometimes even those movies will do the job for some men.
After all, you can simply play them over and over and jack it with your other hand. You just know shit like that is done by dudes who are absolutely broke. I mean, the performers on this page had my god damn mouth drooling in a matter of minutes, and I think that you fellas are no different. I mean, the performers are just absolutely stunning, and they really know how to fuck.
The only thing I didn’t really like were the lesbian scenes, because they were so obviously fake. I mean, if you happen to know some lesbians in real life, and if you just so happened to talk with them a bit about their sexual preferences and all that, you’d know that not many lesbians will resort to tribbing and shit like that. Why? Well, it doesn’t do much for them. Girls in porn only do it because guys like it, and that’s literally the only reason. Real lesbians will go down on each other. They’ll finger each other, make out, grope each other’s breasts, shit like that. All in all, you’re going to have to pretend that these cuties are not really just straight girls who are totally not into each other. For some men, this is a very easy thing to do. However, this is not the case here.
Obviously, I like my porn genuine. So yeah, let’s sum it all up: You’re basically going to have to jerk off to the scraps if you don’t feel like wasting money on this page right here. Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing, seeing as even the previews are pretty good. Furthermore, www.adultempire.com doesn’t limit your previews or anything of the sort, which is nice. So, basically, if you’re broke, you better get ready to play those gorgeous videos up there, you’ll find that this is a very enjoyable experience. However, if you have the cash, pay the fuck up mate, you do not want to miss up on a page like this!
Now, the straight point is a bit less disappointing
The title makes it sound as if the guy on girl movies here are mediocre…but that’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying that they’re better than the lesbian movies that I didn’t enjoy that much. I mean, I don’t need to talk about that again, that’s for sure. I mean, I know I can sound like a broken record at times, so yeah.
However, you don’t have to stick to these “basic” kinds of pornography on this page right here, seeing as there are tons and tons of porn in here. Not all of the porn in here is girl on girl or guy on girl which is great. I mean, in places like this, we need some diversity. For example, you’ll find that this page has some transsexual porn, which is great. Then, you’ll also find that there are categories that are pretty god damn specific such as the “humiliation” and “Cougars,” for example.
That’s a great thing, obviously. You’ll find that not all of these movies up in here have previews, though, so you will have to download some of them as soon as possible. Well, downloading them doesn’t come for free, though. Of course, there are tons of discounts on the page and shit like that, so you better buckle up and get that wallet out, as www.adultempire.com is going to get you into some of the best deals when it comes to porn.
If you feel like buying something else
Now, there’s even a section of www.adultempire.com that is dedicated to sex toys, so make sure to check that out if you want one of those. Obviously, the majority of these toys are meant to be used by men. That’s why the very first thing you’ll see when you open this page up is the section with all the fleshlights and shit like that. It’s funny how all of them are modeled after real girls…like, some people consider that shit to be a valid replacement for pussy. Now, don’t get me wrong, fleshlights probably are great and all that, but what’s the point of making one that’s modeled after Black Chyna? Like, I don’t fucking care how that one girl’s pussy feels like, all I need is a god damn replacement for a cunt to grip my dick, if you can’t provide that, I’ll fucking stick my dong in a bowl of pudding.
God…You can’t possibly expect me to believe that hoe has a pussy that isn’t all loose and shit. Jesus. Okay. So, there are obviously some toys in the shop that are meant to be used by women as well. There are plenty of dildos, but there are toys that are meant to go inside of your butt as well. So, if you’re a bisexual or gay dude that just so happens to be browsing this website, you might want to get a fleshlight and some anal beads as well. There’s also loads of lingerie up in here, so go check that out as well.
While the name of this section is inspired by the name of the first motley crue album, you’ll find that this part of the page has nothing in common with them (well, except for the fact that some of the girls in here have haircuts that resemble the ‘cuts those rockers used to have in the day), so let’s jump right in and see what the “pornstars” section has in store for us. Do we really need to talk about this, though? You get to see names of Pornstars, and all the movies they made back in the day, and that’s about it.
Basically, if you’re broke, you’re going to have to get both of your hands real busy while browsing www.adultempire.com. However, this page really is great if you’re cashed, so get that wallet out.
ThePornDude likes Adult Empire's
- Free shipping on $25 orders
- Able to track your order
- Large range of products
- Tons of great categories on the website
- The sex toys section is neat
ThePornDude hates Adult Empire's
- The previews could be a bit longer