PornHub Premium

There’s this killer strip club on the other side of town. I’ve been going there for years because I can hang back and catch a free show if I don’t feel like shelling out for a private dance. I’ve always loved the place, but when I showed up with the a few extra bucks the other day I found out they also have a back entrance where you can access the real shows. Holy shit, the cheapskates are really missing out! I felt almost the same way when I found out Pornhub has a premium site called PornhubPremium.

While the free tube gets well over 3 billion visits per month, PornhubPremium.com has a slimmer clientele of around 100 million. I know a lot of you fuckers are content to risk an indecent exposure charge at the library because you love free porn so much, but grown-ups know that a good thing is worth paying for. Is PornhubPremium a good thing? The Viagra I popped is starting to kick in, so I guess I’m about to find out.

Why the Hell Should I Pay for a Free Tube?

You’ve probably seen the Premium link in the header of the free version of Pornhub. I bet you ignored it, huh? They say you should never buy the cow when the milk is free. A paysite membership is always a hard sell, but it’s an even harder sell when you’re already stroking yourself to your own custom playlist of your favorite free videos of Asian lesbians scissoring.

Pornhub didn’t get so big by being a bunch of fucking idiots. They know you loaded up the page specifically because you’re looking for hardcore scenes but didn’t want to pull out your wallet. That’s why they offer you a full week of PornhubPremium free, which is pretty rare for any kind of adult paysite. Usually, they want a couple of bucks for a couple of days of sampling the material.

After your seven-day trial, they’ll charge you your first monthly payment of around 10 USD. Ten bucks is a hell of a lot more than you’d expect to pay for free videos of anal sex, fisting, BDSM and bukkake movies, but it’s only about a third of what most premium porn memberships cost these days. They’ll take another 20% off of that if you’re willing to shell out for a full year, Mr. Moneybags.

So why would you want to pay for a “free” porno tube? PornhubPremium sums it up in three simple bullet points. They’ve got new VR scenes added regularly, which you don’t really see on the free tubes. They’ve also got more than 100,000 exclusive HD videos, which gives them a huge advantage over even some of the bigger paysites.

I think the biggest selling point for anyone still cranking their machine to the free sites is that PornhubPremium has no spam. It’s the same Pornhub you already know and love, plus some extra goodies, and you never have to see a goddamn ad for erectile dysfunction supplements and fake local singles.

The Smut You Love, Without the Fucking Spam

Even if you use an ad-blocker all the time, you’ve probably grown accustomed to seeing an ad in the same spot of the page whenever you visit Pornhub. You know the one I’m talking about because it always takes up the top right corner of the screen. You’ll have your thumbnailed search results for “big ass blonde cuckold” stretched across the screen, but there’s no escaping the distraction of the full-motion GIF of a gangbang scene in a salon trying to entice you over to a paysite.

It’s a little weird seeing Pornhub without the usual spam. It reminds me of the first time I saw my auntie naked as a grown-up. Either way, I like it a lot and I hope to see so much more, and hopefully cum a bunch of times.

Other than the spam, the layout of PornhubPremium is basically what you’re used to. There is a selection of Recently Featured Videos showing some mutual oral sex, a Korean college girlfriend getting boned in her dorm room, a thick bitch riding a dude’s face until she orgasms, and a hot porn star giving a fan the chance of a lifetime. The scene includes a creampie, in case you’re hungry.

There are rows of Hot Videos and Top Picks for me. I’m pleased to see they’ve remembered my preferences from when I was still pulling my pud for free. They’ve offered up a bunch of my favorite shit, including a taboo scene with a step-sister sucking a hard dong and some little teen sluts getting all stretched out by BBC.

What’s New for Paid Dudes?

It’s pretty obvious from the number of free porn tubes on the Internet that most of you cheap fucks are fine sitting through some intrusive sex toy ads if it means you can watch free clips of MILFs getting finger-cuffed. PornhubPremium, like other adult paysites, makes it a point to stick their best, newest and most exclusive offerings at the top of their members’ page.

Big banners slide by the top of the screen, showing off their latest clips for premium customers. PornhubPremium has content from a number of big studios. There’s a Hot Hardcore Threesome from Spizoo and An Unexpected Pussy Swap from MomsBangTeens. A brown-haired MILF takes a cock between her boots in Horny House Guest from DDFNetwork, and a young babe conquers a BBC creampie in a flick from AdultTime.

Brazzers even has material on the site. If you’ve read my review of those perverts, you know I’m a big fan of their material, so I knew it was a good place to start on PornhubPremium. I clicked my way to a video called Elsa Jean and Piper Perri and Alaina Dawson Share a Huge Dick in the Sauna. The three babes walked into the sauna wearing only towels in 1080 with zero buffering.

It’s a full 40-minute scene. I’m in a little bit of a hurry, so I use those little notches baked into the timeline of the video player showing me where the best stuff is. I skipped ahead to the blowjob and then spent some time admiring the cowgirl, doggystyle and ass-licking moments of this nasty little fuck fest.

Downloading a Human Centipede of Sex

Towards the end, the dude is smashing one bitch from behind while she eats out another girl’s asshole. The babe with a tongue in her pooper has her own mouth on the third chick’s cunt. It’s a fucking magnificent chain of depravity that I wanted to relive again and again while strapped into my homemade masturbation/isolation chamber. The Add To button will let you put any clip in your own custom playlist or stream, but I really wanted to do one better than that. I mean, this is some sexy human centipede action, a real bang for the history books.

I clicked the Download button and PornhubPremium told me to fuck right off. Downloads are for paying members only, and I’m still a bum with a trial membership. Downloading ends the trial immediately and my credit card will be charged, so I guess I’ll just have to sit on it for a while. I’m also sitting on my hand, and as soon as it falls asleep I’m going to masturbate and pretend it’s Elsa servicing the little guy.

PornhubPremium is a pretty fucking good site. I already like Pornhub enough that a spam-free version is almost worth the low monthly rate they’re asking. You get more than just an ad-free experience, though. The huge library of exclusive premium movies makes this more like a traditional paysite membership than just an upgraded version of a free tube. For a third of what most of the other guys are charging, you get considerably more material. I’m pretty much sold on this one, but if you’re unsure they offer a longer, freer trial than almost anyone else.