PornHub/PornForWomen

It’s no secret that The Porn Dude is all about unraveling life’s greatest mysteries. I have been cited by numerous research journals and TED-talkers about my work in the pornographic field, tackling the big questions. How much BBC can be crammed in a tight teen’s vagina? Does tranny sex make you a queer? Is squirting just an excuse for a bitch to take a leak during sex? Today, with the help of Pornhub, I’m going to find out what “porn for women” really means.

Don’t pretend you’re not already familiar with Pornhub. They get over 30 million visits a day, and we both know you’ve been steadily helping rack up that number. There are a billion free sex tubes on the Internet, but the big PH has been at the top of my list for a while. They’ve got an insanely huge collection, good organization, and minimal spam getting in the way of your spank sessions. They’ve got a wide selection of categories, but today I am checking out their Porn for Women.

What a Girl Wants, What a Slut Needs

Okay, neckbeard, what do you think women want to see when they’re stroking their clits at a sex movie? I’m sorry if I got any of you beta cucks crying about ripped, six-pack abs, handsome, chiseled features, or bigger, blacker dicks than yours. Whatever it is that bitches want, it ain’t you, now is it?

Every women’s porno site seems to have a different idea of what to serve the thirsty whores. Sometimes it seems like soccer moms just want softer lighting in their fuck flicks, other times it’s nicer studs, and often it’s the same rough sex that every other pervert beats off to, only with less name-calling.

I get the distinct impression that on some lady’s porn sites, all they’ve done is add the words “for women” somewhere in the header. It’s a strategy that works really well for all kinds of non-sexual products, from yogurt to shampoo to ballpoint goddamn pens. I’m not saying broads are stupid and susceptible to really simple marketing tricks, but I ain’t in advertising.

Pornhub’s Porn for Women section takes a completely different strategy, which I guess should be expected from a massive free smut repository with content from thousands of different porn producers. They spell it out pretty clearly in a blurb across the top of the page: Porn for women takes many forms, and there’s no single genre that fully defines “porn for her”.

Instead of just bullshitting, guessing or randomly putting a bunch of lesbian, anal and cunnilingus clips in a big pile, they’ve compiled all the movies on the site that are the most watched and most favorited by real women. Given how much traffic they get from both men and women around the world, Pornhub is in a unique position to mathematically calculate what chicks really are masturbating to when they pull up a free sex tube.

Unlocking the Sex Secrets of the Fairer Sex

Are you still trying to guess what chicks are into? What depraved interracial group sex scenarios your ex-girlfriend used to imagine while you hammered away, drenching her with your own sweat and suffocating her beneath your fat gut and manly boobs? I hate to break it to you, but your worst fears are true: girls aren’t fingering themselves while watching fatties with bad hygiene bone in their mom’s basement while boxed action figures and anime posters look on in disgust.

Pornhub has a fantastic tagging system implemented, so they know exactly what bitches are diddling themselves to. It says right at the top of the screen that Popular with Women is frequently combined with: Lesbian, Threesome, Rough Sex, Pussy Licking, Amateur, Big Dick, Teen, Creampie, Double Penetration, and Gangbang. Ouch. You may be a total Amateur when it comes to giving women orgasms, but most of those categories are way outside of your abilities, aren’t they?

Below the tag cloud is where the real fun starts. Pornhub has nearly 14,000 dirty movies in the Popular with Women category, beginning with Today’s Most Viewed Popular with Women Porn Videos.

Any dude who’s been forced to sit through a chick flick just to get laid knows that broads typically have pretty fucking terrible taste in cinema. That’s why I’m surprised as hell that today’s Most Popular scene with the ladies is the classic Bangbros clip of Mia Khalifa taking a couple of BBCs. This is one of the movies that put her on the map and in the sexual fantasies and wet dreams of perverts around the world. Watching it now makes me really wish she’d get back into the business. What a beautiful, talented and hungry mouth she has!

Maybe I’ve been trying to smash the wrong women, because there is some incredibly depraved stuff on the front page of Pornhub’s Popular with Women area. I want to get down with the bitches fucking themselves to this! A young brunette sucks off a stranger in a public park, a mom rewards her son for good grades with filthy taboo sex, a series of sluts squeal in an anal sex orgasm compilation, and a stepsister’s April Fools prank results in her brother cumming inside her pussy. Got ‘em!

The worst news for you is that, yeah, there’s a lot of Big Black Cock getting slung in the women’s section over at Pornhub. We already knew from years of scientific research that ladies love big junk, so this shouldn’t come as too big of a shock. The real surprise, which I’m sure you’ll be absolutely thrilled about, is that there is an uncensored incest hentai movie in today’s Popular with Women selection. There may be hope for you yet!

Fair Trades for Videos Lays… For Women

The trade-off that every free tube makes is dirty hardcore smut in exchange for spam. The worst examples hit you with a dozen pop-ups for each teen creampie you see, but you’re bound to run into an ad or two on even the best free tubes. Pornhub, and its Porn for Women area, is no exception.

The good news is I only got one pop-up ad during my visit. It opened when I went to watch Mia practice her popsicle eating skills, and I closed it before I could even see what it was an ad for. It certainly didn’t get in the way of my aggressive knob polishing, especially when the exotic slut spun around to take it from behind. Oh, Mia, please come back to porno.

I didn’t get any intrusive ads when I watched today’s second most popular women’s porn movie, a Girlcum movie of Alexis Adams getting screaming, body-flopping orgasms delivered via remote control and then getting blasted in the face with hot sperm. That was actually a free premium video meant to entice you to Pornhub’s pay section, but I’ll be honest, I cranked out several loads to it with no intention of ever pulling out my wallet. Why buy the cow, am I right?

Likewise, the 10-minute sequence of a tiny little teen fucked raw by a BBC did not come with an animated loop of an inflating penis advertising better erections. That clip came with an entirely different type of cock block. When I tried to download the ludicrously hot Ebony scene, Pornhub told me the 1080P download is only available upon purchase. I guess I’ll just bookmark it so I can find it next time I’m at the library. You can download other clips on the site for free as long as you’ve got a free account.

It’s hard to find any real fault with Pornhub’s Porn for Women section, except maybe that wasn’t catered specifically to me, as all things should be. That doesn’t really matter, because it’s still a bunch of top-shelf smut for the low cost of nothing. It turns out women actually have pretty fucking good taste in pornography, plus I appreciate the insight into the brains of the fairer sex. I figured it was all scrapbooking, wine, and taking Instagram pictures that hide all the cellulite, but it turns out broads are thinking about giant wieners, gangbangs and pussy licking. I may not be a chick, but I’ll be locked in my basement, reviewing this material for the next few days.