You know my bros, if there is one thing you can say about me it’s that I don’t take much shit from anyone. You get in my face I’ll throw you through a goddamn window if I feel like it (if I’m not too busy fucking a hot ass bitch that is)! This happened to me last weekend when I was leaving a club with this hot fucking bitch I plowed in a bathroom stall. She wanted more like most chicks do so I told her, “let’s go find a park bench and get balls deep,” and you know she wanted what this guy is packing!
We were about to turn the corner to the park when three fucking incel losers jumped me and started bitching about how they never get laid. “Of course you don’t get fucking laid faggot,” I yelled, “look at yourself you’re wearing goddamn Japanime gear. You think you’re going to get pussy looking like…”
Before I could finish my words this fat fuck tried cracking a bat over my head. I looked at him and smiled, grabbed the bat, and smashed his pork fried face in with it! The two other incel pussies jumped me and I threw them like a goddamn grizzly bear being woken months before spring! I threw one little bitch through a window at an AIDS testing station and told him, “you need to be here from hanging out with all your faggy friends.”
The other incel pulled out a knife and I about fell over laughing telling him, “you better be prepared to use that stud!” He was! He lunged at me with the knife but fell to his face. At this point, the bitch I had been fucking all night was laughing at them and pointing in their faces, no doubt her pussy getting wet by the second. I wasn’t going to be content with just a dripping cunt though: I wanted to make her squirt. I gave this asshole a couple of punches to his weak incel face and that’s all it took. By the time I was done beating his ass he looked like a stupid monster from an 80s horror movie.
Oh you know she squirted after that! I’ve never seen someone so horny before. I fucked her so good, I think she shat a little but goddamn I’ll take it! After I drained my balls on her back I was still in the mood and had a hard-on that wouldn’t go down. I was amped! I went over to a new site called Horror Porn, signed up, and watched a movie called Damned Nun.
Goddamn! I came so much I had to order another drum of lube with overnight shipping! Horror Porn is fucking legit! Sit back and second bros and let me tell you why.
It’s a fucking badass theme for a porn site
Be fucking alpha and say with me what we’re all thinking: this is a goddamn good theme for a porn site! I never thought horror and porn could work so well together but whatever kind of magic juice the team over at Horror Porn are drinking it’s fucking working! I had to keep reminding myself I was looking at a porn site and not a website for an upcoming horror flick. It looks and feels like a horror site with porn mixed in! It sounds crazy and who the fuck would have thought this could work anyway but mother fuckers they nailed the theme and direction of what Horror Porn oughta be! Don’t do a goddamn thing differently Horror Porn! If you love horror, love porn, you gotta check this out!
Movies are in 4k and look like you’re fucking there
How many fucking terrible horror flicks come out every year? It’s like every time I load up a streaming site I have to look at nothing but lame, stupid ass horror movies that looked like they were filmed by some dick sucking fag living in his mom’s basement. You won’t find anything like that here at Horror Porn though!
“The fuck do you know about films anyway PornDude you some kind of master director?”
Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit, boy! I know the difference between a movie that looks like it was made by a dumb mother fucker with a tiny cock and a professional that knows how to make that goddamn movie magic. I will tell you this much: the films on Horror Porn weren’t made by fucking amateurs! Everything is shot in 4k so it looks as professional and awesome as the best horror films of today. I will be honest: not a lot of things pull me in and make me feel like I’m there. Damned Nun sure fucking did though!
You can’t find these movies anywhere else
Everybody is all about goddamn original content these days. Get the fuck out of here share that shit with everybody! But if I was part of Horror Porn’s team I don’t think I’d be sharing a mother fucking thing either! Let’s call it what it is: these aren’t just basic bitch porno clips they’re full-on porn productions! The amount of time, technique, and planning that goes into these films is apparent. You also cannot find these films anywhere else, only on Horror Porn.
Professional porn productions
I already said these are legit movie productions but I gotta fucking repeat myself once again: these are professional porno movies you’re not going to find anywhere else. Yeah, they’re competitive against the top AAA porn films you see from places like Vivid and such. These aren’t those cookie-cutter pornos, though! These are films that the minds over at Horror Porn obviously put a lot of time into and just from the trailer itself it shows.
Perfect blend of good horror and hot porn
Dudes, I never thought I would say that someone successfully blended good horror and hot fucking porn together. Shit, I thought that was impossible! I’ve tried watching stupid ass horror porn before and it comes across like some dweeb filmed it while shitting his pants in the middle of the woods with his friends and the one hot bitch they all knew. It has never worked until now!
I don’t like to bullshit you bros and you wouldn’t fucking take it from me anyway. I’d tell you if that bitch your fucking is uglier than dog shit and you would do the same for me! So believe me bros when I tell you that Horror Porn is the goddamn example of the horror porn genre. I can’t even say I got confused boners watching a dead nun that looks like she’s went through a meat grinder in hell come back as a demon and suck a living man’s dick: I jacked off to that and fucking came!
It’s gotta be seen to be believed. They fucking pull it off! I haven’t watched every movie but form the trailers I’ve seen I think I could jack it with barbed wire while listening to Celine fucking Dion and get off to this!
Movies are added regularly
It’s not like once you subscribe to Horror Porn (I’ll talk about that in a second) that you just get whatever horror porn movies they have and you will get more when they fucking feel like it. Forget about that shit! The geniuses at Horror Porn are adding movies on the regular. I don’t know what that means in terms of how often they plan to release films but it’s my understanding you won’t have to wait too long. It’s worth the price of admission is what I’m trying to fucking say!
More expensive than most premium sites
You have to pay what Horror Porn is worth and that’s about $39.95 per month. Yeah I fucking get it, it’s more expensive than most premium sites and maybe that’s asking a lot from you. But you’re getting full horror porn productions that look like they could be right at home on a mainstream streaming service (if they had the balls to stream porn and we know they fucking don’t!). Is it worth it? That’s for you to decide. Look at a few trailers though and you’ll know the answer for yourself!
Easy to use on mobile and desktop
I wouldn’t suggest watching this crazy ass porn on the bus or at your stepdaughter’s graduation. If you wanted to though the mobile version is functional enough you could fucking do that. I’d like to be there if you stream it at a place like church where you’d fucking freak everybody out though! Drop me a goddamn line if you do it and tell me about that shit!
Porn that makes you want to watch the whole film
How many fucking porno movies have you watched from beginning to end? You haven’t watched any! I can’t remember the last time I fucking did that until I came to the hot shit over at Horror Porn though! I watched it from beginning to end because I never knew what to expect next! When you’re talking about porn you always know what’s coming up for the most part so to say that about any porno movie, well it shows that Horror Porn is doing something right and dare I say something special. Visit it if you care even a little about horror or porn: you’re going to fucking love it!
ThePornDude likes Horror Porn's
- Movies are in fucking 4k!
- Awesome idea and theme for a porn site.
- Unique content you won’t find anywhere else.
- These are full porn productions!
- Awesome blend of creepy horror and hot porn action!
- Movies are added regularly.
- You will want to watch from beginning to end!
ThePornDude hates Horror Porn's
- More expensive than most porn sites.