Raise your hand if you’ve got a boner. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Getting off is kind of the whole point of The Porn Dude, but this next site is free so it’s not like it’ll cost you a damn thing to look. Got Porn? That’s a rhetorical question not really meant to be answered, and also the name of the website. They’ve got over 2 million videos.
I bet the milk people never guessed their “Got Milk” campaign would inspire so much lasting cultural content. GotPorn.com was registered back in 1999, when milk was still fresh and before free porn tubes were even a thing. Honestly, it’s a fucking killer domain and prime Internet real estate. I wonder how many of the roughly 100 million monthly visitors just typed in the URL without knowing what was on the other end.
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GotPorn has a really clean, bright, spotless white layout. It looks like somebody scrubbed the fuck out of the whole thing with bleach. They obviously didn’t hire the jizz guy who cleans the booths at the local peep show. The logo is a two-color, lower-case web 2.0 thing that would work on a social media site, but here it’s used to peddle smut.
Oh, let’s talk about that smut. That disinfected layout can’t mask the scent of sex practically wafting from the screen. Actually, no. Wait. The crust on my chin tells me I did more than just anal with that hooker last night. I have to stop freebasing Viagra because I seem to black out every time.
The front page of GotPorn kind of reminds me of buying porn in a really clean adult bookstore. Everything’s been scrubbed down, but there are still giant cocks penetrating dripping cunts all over the page. They sprayed the whole place with antibacterial sanitizer, but that daddy-daughter taboo porn is still pretty filthy.
I love that filth and so do you. This site bastes itself in its own unwholesome, sticky hot sex. There’s a list of some of the current Hot XXX Tags. Right now, GotPorn fans are whacking off to #Lesbians licking each other and #MILFs getting boned. Classics like #Teen, #Big Boobs and #Ebony and up top where you expect them. There’s even #Anime for the nerds and #BBW for the chubby chasers.
Scroll down a bit for some more popular categories, complete with thumbnails. The ripe and perfect sluts all lined on the stairs for the Schoolgirl section reminds me of college. The great thing about watching it on GotPorn is that I won’t get arrested this time.
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Choice is a marvelous thing. Do I want to spend my morning stroking the pole to an amateur interracial gangbang or is this a good day for busty lesbos in lingerie? I guess I have all day to beat off, so I should cover my bases. The goth slut getting double-penetrated looks hot.
Hovering over the thumbnail earns me a moving preview. Oh, fuck yeah, there’s four dudes and this tatted-up bitch with black hair. I have to see, so I click right when the preview hits an anal moment.
Got Spam? GotPorn hit me with a pop-under for sex cams. The video player itself is also covered in moving ads. There’s an animated dude fucking an animated fat bitch from behind, the text claiming it’s not a dating site but I’ll get laid. The other ad is a broad fingering herself in a loop and telling me not to jerk off yet.
It’s almost funny that a deliberate cock-block is telling me not to masturbate just yet, but I’m getting lotion all over the goddamn place because I was ready already. I click the button to Close Ads and Play Video.
To GotPorn’s credit, the ads did vanish and the video started playing. The icon outside said this was an HD clip, but I don’t see the resolution posted anywhere. The picture quality is non-adjustable.
I’d complain more about the basic-ass player, but this is a hot clip. It’s a BurningAngel sample and this chick is really taking it from all sides at once. She’s talented as hell, but I love that she’s still a little overwhelmed.
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I paused the video and got more spam suggesting I can fuck all these ripe, young naked chicks. A tiny cock has been growing to a monster, shrinking, and then repeating the process over and over and over in a sidebar ad the whole time I’ve been on the page. All the spam is shit that made it through my blocker, so I hate to think what this site is like without a condom.
That seems to be it, though. I didn’t get any more pop-unders or pop-ups. The ads you do have to see don’t actually slow you down, which is the most important thing. You were going to click the Play button anyway. Now it just doubles as an ad swatter.
Any ill will GotPorn earned by throwing all those ads into your masturbation session is soothed by GotPorn’s free downloads. I love the convenience of streaming, but sometimes it’s good to save your favorite clips of a blonde slave deepthroating a dick. You never know when you’ll be trapped in cave with a phone but without Internet. This is how cave painting was invented.
When you first click that Download button, you might be surprised by the Registration box that pops up. Some folks are fine with trading an email address for some porn, but then again some of you dipshits share an email address with the wifey.
No worries here, though. GotPorn doesn’t require an email address to sign up for an account. They give you the option in case you want to receive email updates and shit. Everyone else can just make up a name and a password and start downloading lesbian ass rides in HD.
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GotPorn’s got a pretty well organized Categories page. They keep the Categories section trim with around 100 categories, letting the Tags take on the inevitable clutter that happens on a user-uploaded porn site.
I like that they list the number of clips in each Category and for each Tag. They’ve got a rich Amateur section with nearly 35k movies, and about the same number for Big Boobs, Blondes and Brunettes. That’s fucking solid representation that all you social justice fags should be really thrilled about.
Nothing truly surprising stood out at me. It’s not a hentai site, after all. They’ve got some relatively kinky shit, but nothing that’s going to scare your mom. That lady’s a freak, sure to love GotPorn’s 3,000 BDSM flicks.
By default, you’re only looking at the Straight section of the website. The gender icons up the corner of the screen will let you switch to Gay or Shemale. The Categories page offers another opportunity to do so, but it doesn’t affect the number of listed clips. Hit that button from the front page and, woo boy, you’re going to see some serious shit.
The site really caters to straight dudes, like every other porn site. I’m sure you already knew that, straight guy. The queers and dick-loving “straight dudes” are still going to be happy, though. There are more than 3k pages of unrestrained faggotry and about 1400 pages of chicks with dicks on video.
GotPorn’s biggest issue would have to be the spam. Even with an ad-blocker enabled on your browser, you’re still going to see animated boners telling you your cock is too small. It uglies up the otherwise sparkly clean layout. Fortunately, that minor ugliness doesn’t really get in the way of your porn-viewing experience here.
All a free porn tube needs to do is host a good selection of porn and give you easy access to it. GotPorn fits the bill. There’s nothing really special about the site to set it apart from other tubes, but there’s nothing that will make you hate it. With over two million scenes to stream or download, it’s worth a look.
ThePornDude likes GotPorn's
- Easy-to-remember name
- Two-million filthy porno movies
- Free streaming and downloading
ThePornDude hates GotPorn's