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Updated on 05 February 2024
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There are very few things in this world that are better than porn. And they are: Sex, drugs, and good music (all three things, of course, that could lead to sex). Because, just face it. At the end of the day, fucking is all that really matters. On an animalistic level. That’s all you really need. Food, water, a place to live, and pussy. Everything else is just icing on the cake of life.

I know that we aren’t all quite as hedonistic as I am. And that’s okay. I follow the motto of Satan: Do as thou wilt. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever gets you hard, man, that’s what you do. I know that there are people out there who would argue with me all day long, trying to talk some shit about how love is more important than fucking. Or how we need good literature or thought-provoking films in addition to porn.

And I am here to tell them, once and for all, that they are full of shit. The only reason we need ‘love’ is so that we can fuck. It’s as easy as that. The brain produces chemicals. We call those chemicals love. And love makes us horny as fuck. And fucking is what continues the human race. I think that we would be much better off if we just skipped the whole love illusion bullshit and more people were just down to fuck. And by “people,” I’m sure that it should be pretty clear that I mean women.

Men will save for a few pussies and god-fearing twats out there, pretty much fuck anything with a nice pair of tits and a useable hole. That’s already a well-documented fact. Women, on the other hand, they can be pretty picky. So, women (all five of you that are reading this), don’t be so afraid to give it up. There’s no such thing as sluts. All there is, is saying yes or no to pleasure.

So, this is all to say that you should force yourself away from the porn every once in a while. Not because it’s amoral or a waste of time or some pansy bullshit like that. No, you should forcer yourself away from porn once in a while for the sole reason that doing so is the only hope you have of getting some real pussy any time soon! Come on, man, how long has it been? Weeks? Months? Fuck … years?? Jesus Christ. Grow a pair and have a conversation with a real, living, breathing woman for a change.

One Step at a Time

But, okay, I understand if you’re not quite there yet. I mean, I get it, you’ve spent the last few months (and, for some of you, I shudder to say, years) not interacting with women and reinforcing the idea through porn that girls are brainless sex puppets that you wear around your dick while they do all the work and you bust a nut into some balled-up Kleenex. Sure, sure. You need to ease yourself into these things. Assimilate slowly back into normalcy. Or, for many of you, into normalcy for the first time … the world of people doing things together, eye contact, awkwardness, potential rejection, and the brilliance of the highest definition sex there is, of actually feeling the warm embrace of wet pussy lips around your cock. Sound good? Good. Let’s get a move on then. You’re already really fucking late to the party, man.

One way to get started would be to try out a few dating apps. But don’t worry, the only dating apps that I’m going to steer you toward are the ones that have a reputation for leading to hookups. No Christian Mingle or Muzmatch to be found here. However, if someone could land a girl and get her to fuck him off of Christian Mingle, then, damn, he should win the Pulitzer prize of pussy … actually, come to think of it … challenge accepted!

But that is a task for another day. Today, we will be looking at a site called Badoo. Maybe you’ve heard of it? They have recently taken out a lot of digital ad space, so it’s been popping up everywhere for me. And I’ve been wondering if it was any good. Well, it’s about time we found out. Let’s dive right in, shall we? Hopefully, we land in some muff.

Nice Site Design, Plenty of Free Features

The first thing that stands out to me about Badoo is the site design. It’s done pretty well. Way better than some of its competitors, like Plenty of Fish. But, then again, Plenty of Fish is easily the worst dating site that I’ve ever seen. I don’t even know how they’re even still operating. Badoo, on the other hand, is clean and intuitive. I also dig the white and purple aesthetic. It’s minimalistic and effective, everything is right where you can see it, and there are no surprises or super confusing elements to it (another common dating site pitfall … when they try to cram too many things onto a page or have features with cryptic names that are unexplained until you try them out firsthand).

The home page exists as a Tinder-esque swiping function in the middle, with a menu bar cascading vertically to the left, allowing you to easily access all components. At the top of the menu, you’ll find a link to your profile for quick editing. Below that are, obligatorily, all of the money-making aspects of the site. Increase your visibility (for a price), buy credits, and activate premium (obviously, for a price). This is par for the course with dating sites and apps, though. The name of the game is give the free user just enough to be able to use the site and chat with chicks, but always dangle some feature that will better his chances of getting pussy at a distance, with a price tag.

That being said, there is still plenty that you can do on Badoo for free. You can swipe right or left on users (to a limited capacity … upgrade for unlimited) in hopes of a match to naturally ease into conversation; you can browse people nearby; view profiles; send messages; add friends; and view pictures, all free of charge. That is actually a really impressive list of features for a free site that could lead to pussy. I don’t know how many of them you’ve been on before (if any), but the majority of them don’t let you do shit until you pay. Furthermore, a lot of them are all but entirely scams, featuring mostly spam bots and ‘girls’ trying to get you to sign up for other sites (that are also often scams).

No Bots, but Lots of Thots

On Badoo, though, all the girls are verified. So, that is a concern you do not have to worry about here. All the girls are real. You are much less likely to reel in a catfish. And you don’t have to worry at all about being scammed by some 40-year-old dude from Milwaukee pretending to be a 20-year-old chick from Miami who ‘is so horny and can’t wait for you to meet her on her cam site! Hehe!’

In addition to the girls being real (Facebook sign-up really helps that cause), there is a surprisingly high number of them on this site as well. I’ve tried all the sites out there and, I must say, this is a very rare and highly desired feature. OK Cupid is another dating site (that allows you to look for ‘something casual’ if you like), but its user list is pitiful. I swiped through every girl in my city in under a week. What kind of bullshit is that? On Badoo, though, the girls just keep on coming. And, if you play your cards right, hopefully, the girls will just keep on cumming as well.

The only downside of this site (aside from the fact that features are limited to upgrading) is the fact that there aren’t many extremely hot chicks using it. I mean, obviously, this will vary from city to city, because bigger cities have bigger populations and, thus, a higher density of attractive women. I get that. But, still, I’m in a pretty big city, and I would say only about 35 to 40% of the girls I’ve seen thus far on Badoo are chicks whom I would actually fuck in the sober light of day. As far as with beer goggles on goes? Okay, admittedly, the number probably increases 20 to 25%, but still. There are some janky ass thots on here. But, hey, the desperate cannot be too discerning, right? Sometimes you just gotta take what you can get.

All in all, Badoo has lots to do, lots of thots to talk to, and lots of wasted time avoided due to a lack of bots to dodge. You can chat up any girl you like, swipe right or left at your own discretion, and even check out chicks’ live video feeds. Don’t get too excited, though, Badoo has a no nudity policy. Lame. But if you use the site right, that policy will be overturned in the sheets. Good luck and happy hunting, horn balls.

ThePornDude likes Badoo's

  • Intuitive site design
  • Lots of features for free
  • Plenty of chicks
  • Facebook sign-up means lots of pics
  • Mobile friendly (app)

ThePornDude hates Badoo's

  • Lack of hot chicks
  • Girls not very talkative
  • Censorship
  • Pay to unlock all features