CzechAV

You might not be aware of it, but you’ve probably seen a video that falls under the banner of the porn conglomerate known as CzechAV. By the sheer number and variety of sites that CzechAV has under its, I can say with absolute confidence that the Czech Republic is the sexiest, sluttiest, and all-around greatest country in the world. For this much content to have been produced in such a small area, the entire population must be having sex basically every minute of every day.

I’d book a vacation there, but that’s basically how I live my life right now here in the good old U.S. of A. But, hey, if you’re the type that needs to travel half way across the world to get laid, I won’t judge you. Much.

Oh, by the way: no, you fucking nerd, AV doesn’t stand for audio/video. I know you were captain of your high school’s A/V club for four years, but some of us spent highschool getting laid instead of messing around with HAM radios. In CzechAV, it stands for authentic video. And damn, what an accurate title it is. If I didn’t know any better, I would be totally convinced that this site was full of amateur videos. In case you’re not as perceptive as I am, I’m going to spoil the illusion and tell you that these videos aren’t amateur, but the good thing is that the situations and the acting of the paid performers are so natural, real, and authentic, that it really doesn’t make that much of a difference. The way the videos use Blair Witch-style production techniques and things like angles that look like they’re filmed by security cameras really go a long way towards making the porn believable.

A Grand European Tour

I’m going to do my best to take you on a whirlwind tour of each of the thirty-three (yes, that’s thirty-three) sites that your membership to CzechAV gives you. We’re going to be moving pretty fucking quickly here, so pay attention and use those third-grade reading skills of yours, ok?

First and foremost are some of the porn standards. Czech Amateurs, Czech First Video, Czech Bitch, Czech Couples, and Czech Lesbians all have titles that should be self-explanatory even to you. Next up is some standard faked situations that always show up in porn tropes: Czech Taxi, Czech Twins, Czech Parties, Czech Bang Bus, Czech Gang Bang.

Then you’ve got the series of voyeur sites that includes Czech Toilets, Czech Solarium (which shows hidden cams in tanning salons,) Czech Spy, Czech Sauna, Czech Snooper, and Czech Massage. Does Czech still look like a word to you? I think these guys could have been a bit more creative with their titles.

Ah, I think I missed a few. Fuck it. You can read. CzechAV has porn of pretty much every kind you could imagine, but everyone is Czech. It’s not a complicated concept. Let me just skip to the best of the best. CzechAV is mostly known for a few of its sites above all others. Czech Streets is the most famous of all of them: in this series, guys approach girls with giant wads of cash and see how crazy they can get the girls to go. There are a lot of imitators making videos of this exact concept, but Czech Streets is where it originated, and as is often the case, where the formula was perfected. These videos are so good that you could probably follow along and use them as instructional videos showing you how to actually pick up girls, if you weren’t so fucking disgusting that they’d smell you from a mile away and avoid you before you even got a chance to offer them fifty bucks to show you their tits.

The other star of Czech AV is the site called Czech Harem. This is distinct from their Czech Gang Bang series, even if they untrained eye wouldn’t recognize this. A lot of videos are doing something similar to what Czech Gang Bang offers, Czech Harem is unique in the best of ways. These aren’t videos featuring two or three or even four girls, like Czech Gang Bang has, but these videos instead focus on fucking harems in the most literal interpretation of the word. I can easily pull off a gang bang, but this site is the stuff of fantasy even for guys like me. These videos feature one guy with as many as fifty hot fit chicks catering to his every sexual whim. If you want to see a guy get sucked off by a line of half a hundred girls hotter than every girl that will ever touch you combined, this is pretty much the only place on the internet you’ll find it.

On top of these two classics, I’d also recommend the equally unique but not yet as popular Czech Estrogenolit. These videos feature a fictional pill that women take that makes them super fucking horny—basically a fantasy version of what happens to women when I take my shirt off. Though not nearly as authentic as most of the CzechAV videos, if you ever want to feel what it’s like to not totally repulse women, these videos represent that feeling with surprising accuracy.

Dude, Where Are My Features?

For all of its content, CzechAV makes some truly confusing missteps that prevent it from being a perfect porn site. Whether you’re looking at the collection as a whole or an individual site, there’s almost no way to find a particular type of video.

Each section has three ways of browsing: you can look at the hottest videos, the most recently uploaded videos, or you can search. The searching works well enough, but even that lets me down: all it does is returns each video with your search term in the title or description, without giving you any way to further filter or even sort those results. All you get is a list of videos that in some way contain your search term.

In the modern era this lack of a functional way of finding videos is inexcusable. Sites that haven’t updated their layout in fifteen years have categories, tags, and filters better than CzechAV does. I’m still glad that there are thirty-three distinct sites each containing hundreds of videos, but it’s kind of disappointing knowing that there are most likely a whole bunch of hidden gems that I’ll never uncover because of how poorly designed this aspect of the site is.

I have a life, so I don’t have all day to fuck around trying to find good porn. I know that the complete opposite is true for some of you, but the lag of tags, categories, and really any navigational tools beyond a basic search function makes the immense amount of content on CzechAV slightly unwieldy.

Paying For Your Ticket

The payment options that CzechAV offers aren’t quite as extensive as a lot of premium porn sites offer. There’s no one or two-day trial membership, so you’ll have to commit to at least a full month if you want to check out the site. Not only that, but the longest-term membership isn’t even that long: most sites let you sign up for a year or more at very heavily discounted rates, so only being able to join for six months at a time is a bit of a disappointment.

That being said, there is some flexibility: you can either sign up for one month, three months, or six months at a time, at a sliding scale of one dollar per day for the short-term membership to a bit over fifty cents a day for the longer membership. Again, I know that I’m going to be relying exclusively on porn to get off well over six months in the future so I wish I could just make that payment now and get it over with, but I guess I’ll have to take what I can get.

The payment options are a bit strange, too. As usual you can pay by credit card, but there’s no way to make a payment by PayPal or by any of the other alternative methods like cryptocurrencies that are becoming increasingly popular. Oddly enough, you can pay by phone, but since it’s not 1993 and I’m not a complete fucking loser who doesn’t own a credit card, I haven’t tested out that method.

In any case, this doesn’t really diminish the value of the site, even if you are paying more for the shorter-term membership. As the strangely-specific advertisement on the CzechAV landing page states, the site does hold “Over 40,666+ minutes of videos,” so you’re getting a fair deal no matter how long you sign up for.